


Cat and Canary

by badwitchtypeshit



Category: Naruto
Genre: Baby Badasses, Crack Treated Seriously, Declarations Of Love, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Flirting, I'm pulling this out of my ass, M/M, Minions, Multi, Polyamory, Reincarnation, Self-Insert, Shisui is my sunshine boi, Swearing, but you'll love it!, fight me, future harem, ninja things, you know the drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwitchtypeshit/pseuds/badwitchtypeshit
Summary: In which the foul tempered leader of a mafia is reborn as Hinata Hyuuga. It's a disaster waiting to happen, honestly.
Comments: 179
Kudos: 1064
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, My Self-insert's Library, Reincarnation and Transmigration, oc self insertSI





	1. Chapter 1

Hinata was a year old when she started to walk. With an almost permanent frown on her face, she glared at anyone who so much as tried to help. She could do it, damnit!

At two, she started to talk. Her first word had been ‘hungry’, and nobody was really surprised. Her next few words... well... luckily, her father hadn’t been there to hear the strings of curse words she gleefully threw around

At three, she started to play hide and seek. Of course, it probably only counts as a game if the other players consent to it, which, in this case, they hadn’t. The heir spent most of her time hiding in the most ridiculous places in the compound - the kitchen, the dojo, even elder Shinji’s bathroom, that one time- forcing members of the branch clan - without the byakugan because using it out of combat situations wasn’t allowed due to privacy concerns - to search for her before Hiashi blew his top.

(He’d only blown his top the first time though, and if asked now he’ll deny and deflect with, "What sort of shinobi can’t find a three year old?")

Suffice to say, if he ever participated in the games, he found her in seconds flat. Maybe it’ a daddy-daughter thing.

At four, her clansmen had determined that she hailed from the deepest, darkest parts of hell. She had started playing pranks, like she wasn’t already a terrible Hyuuga. Dyeing people’s hair neon colours, sudden disappearances of everything but underwear, putting itching powder in underwear, letting snakes loose in the private hot springs, to mention but a few.

("But Hiashi-sama-"

"I don’t see you or any of the others providing proof, Shinji-san," the man said, taking a sip of his tea.

Hinata, seated in an impeccable seiza, chose that moment to look up from her own smaller cup of tea and smile sweetly. "Oh, good morning, Shinji-sama."

Her fingers twitched in a fuck you gesture that her father didn’t catch.

"Surely, you must have seen that!"

"All I see is an esteemed elder who refuses to respond to the greetings of a five year old. What example are you setting?"

Shinji paled.)

(She was fairly certain her uncle Hizashi knew she was behind everything though, if the secretive smiles he gave her at dinner were anything to go by.)

At five, Hinata could read, write and speak fluently. She had just started to learn the gentle fist, and practised with her father five times a week. The branch members had been so relieved, they had a hush-hush get together in their side of the compound.

(Unfortunately for them, she’d found out and snuck a laxative in the barrel of wine, giving them a nasty stomach bug. Her smile the next day had been ridiculously bright.)

And then, one day, the unspeakable happened. A Kumo shinobi had snuck into the compound while everyone was asleep with the intent to kidnap her.

("Ne, shinobi-san, do you know what a bitch slap is?" She’d asked with a bashful smile.

She was fuming internally though. Nobody would have had the guts to kidnap Uchiha Itachi when he was 5 years old, but here this bastard was, in her bedroom, trying to pretend he was a friend of her father’s.

"Er... no, hime, I can’t say I do."

"Oh, well if you lean down, I can show you."

He leaned down, a patronizing look on his face and Hinata’s eyes narrowed dangerously, before she channelled chakra into her left leg and right hand. The former, to get him in the groin, and the latter to slap him so hard, he burst through the wall and lost consciousness.

Every clan member came running, and she buried her face in her father’s robes, sobbing about how terrified she’d been.)

(Hizashi wasn’t sure whether to be angry or amused. His niece never seized to amaze him.)

.  
Now, let’s get one thing straight, Hiashi was well aware that his daughter was rather... unruly. He caught the very small cracks in her behaviour more often than not, but she was every bit the noble she’d been groomed to be and was a prodigy almost on par with Uchiha Itachi, so he didn’t particularly care. 

(And he was a firm believer in the belief that one could do as they pleased as long as they didn’t get caught. Doubly so, since they were shinobi.)

Besides, it served to keep the rest of the clan on their toes, be it avoiding her pranks or finding her before he found out.

The day after her attempted kidnap, Hinata had been furious. Furious Hinata meant vicious pranks and everyone was on edge. Worse still, she had vanished in the early hours of the day, taking Neji with her.

Five hours later, they’d come to report that they couldn’t find her, and Hiashi barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes. Elegant as a cat, he signed for his brother to follow him and both men disappeared in a shunsuin. Soon enough, they were deep in the forest just behind the Hyuuga compound.

"Your daughter reminds me of Kushina," his twin said conversationally and Hiashi winced. The Uzumaki had hated him with every fibre of her soul. Of course, she liked Hizashi better. Everyone did, he inwardly grouched, he could afford to be nicer. In fact, he was sure if Kushina hadn’t been completely head over heels for Minato, she would’ve eloped with Hizashi, clan politics and demon foxes be damned.

"...I noticed," was his stiff reply, recalling the day a paintball from nowhere had hit him during his walk home. Kushina had whistled cheerily, strolling away. He, on the other hand, had to be confined to the compound for almost a week because there was no way the future Hyuuga clan head would be walking around with pink hair.

"Oh, lighten up, at least you didn’t suffer as much as Fugaku."

This had Hiashi’s lips pulling upwards in a flicker of a smile - something Hizashi was glad for before it disappeared - because everyone knew Kushina had an instant dislike for the future head of the Uchiha clan the second she’d discovered that her best friend Mikoto was to be married to him and she had absolutely no say in the matter.

From peppered smoke bombs to pies in the face to suspiciously placed weapons at every corner, Fugaku had to be hospitalized at least nine times before Mikoto managed to convince her that she did kind of like the guy.

They were brought out of their musings when they sensed their children nearby.

...hanging from a tree branch.

Both stood by, using chakra to enhance their hearing to listen to Hinata’s rant.

"- can’t fucking believe that piece of shit bastard, trying to kidnap me! Of all people! What, because I’m a fucking girl? Itachi was on the battlefield at five years old and no motherfucker in their right mind would’ve tried to kidnap him! I should’ve castrated the asshole-"

Neji nodded along, thoroughly spent. She’d dragged him out of bed to spar with her and get the anger out of her system and even now, she was still angry. At this point, he was used to her cursing like a sailor, although he had no idea where she’d picked up such language.

Meanwhile, Hizashi and Hiashi paled considerably, the former realizing that holy shit he was right, his niece was a mini-habanero and the latter wondering why Kushina had been reincarnated as his daughter, of all people.

Hinata suddenly paused and looked down. "Oh, hello father, Ojii-san," she greeted with a pretty smile, her attitude taking a complete 180 degree turn.

Neji managed a nod to both men, exhausted and feeling like he was about to fall off the tree.


	2. Let Me Get a Look at the Menagerie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Other people really don't know what to do with this girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SU reference, anyone?

A shadow fell over Shikamaru, and his eyebrows furrowed, wondering who was interrupting his relaxation time. It was a weekend, around noon, and Ino was already tired of having to deal with him five days a week so it couldn’t be him. It wasn’t Choji because he’d have heard the tell-tale sign of munching chips. Kiba and Naruto weren’t close enough friends to come to his home. His father was at work, and his mother could easily open their front door and scream his name.

He peeled one eye open, surprised to find the Hyuuga heiress staring down at him. "Hello, I’m Hinata. Your mother said I’d find you here."

"...hi," he says slowly, mind running at a thousand metres per second. Hinata was not a friend of his. Actually, he wasn’t sure she had any friends, although she had this habit of riling Sasuke up and then switching to princess mode. As far as he knew, she was extremely introverted and polite to a fault... most of the time. How she managed to sound all sweet and kind while systematically insulting everything about you from your toes to your breathing was beyond him.

"I would say I want to be your friend, but while that’s partly true, it’s not why I’m here."

Shikamaru closed his eyes, begging whatever god there was for strength because he was already curious and he wasn’t about to let a good mystery pass him by - why did she have such vastly different personalities? What could she possibly need from him? - before opening them gesturing for her to sit. Or lay down like him. He wasn’t concerned.

Hinata fumbled for a moment, knowing this was probably her last chance to run, before choosing to lay down. Far enough that she wasn’t in his space, but close enough that they could hear each other without raising voices and if she so wanted, she could reach out and touch his shoulder.

"You’re not Hinata, not really."

She stills, gazing at the fluffy clouds before giving a mirthless chuckle. "My name is Akasuki Hyoga."

Shikamaru processes this. There isn’t a Hyoga clan that he knows of, and she’s not a spy. A spy could imitate any person, but not a Hyuuga. You can’t get those sorts of contact lenses anywhere. 

"And who’s that?"

"Nymphomaniac yakuza," she responds in an accent he doesn’t recognize.

"...what is that first word?" 

The girl stops short. "Er... nothing you need to know about for now."

He lifts an eyebrow but doesn’t push. They drift into silence, the gears in his mind turning as she seemed to collect herself.

"I was 32 years old," she starts, and he notices the sadness almost immediately. "Akasuki Hyoga, born to noble parents. It was... stifling. I turned 17 and felt adventurous, so I left to another country. Spent four years there and got bored. So I went back home, to Japan, and went underground. For two years, my family probably thought I was dead. Until I came out of the shadows, head of the biggest and baddest mafia of them all."

The Nara is sure he’s about to fry his brain because to his complete and utter horror, he knows where she’s going with this story.

"I took in a few street kids. Well, five of them. Complete and total brats, the lot," he can hear the fondness as well as the annoyance. "But they all meant well. I trained them, a master of seven different martial arts myself, content that the leadership of my organization was going to be in good hands. And now..." he politely ignored her choked sobs. "Now I’ll never get to see them do it. Here, stuck in this god-awful place as a fucking princess, it’s like starting all over again except with magical powers thrown in the mix."

There’s another silence, and Shikamaru breathes out. "You died."

"I believe so. Can’t remember how though."

"You came and trusted me with this without even knowing who I am. Why?"

Hinata snorted. "Fanfiction."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. I had a gut feeling, Shikamaru-san, and I’ve never not trusted my gut. I know you won’t tell anyone. It sounds stupid and ridiculous. Of course, there’s Yamanaka that could probe both our minds and..." she trails off, pensive. "Let’s call it a leap of faith, ne?"

Shikamaru sighed.

.

Itachi wasn’t sure what to think about the Hyuuga heiress staring at him as he came to pick Sasuke up. He’d heard of her, of course. She was apparently a prodigy, but had never met her. The intensity with which she was staring had started to unnerve him.

"Little brother, is that a friend of yours?" He asked, slightly moving his head in her direction. He had carefully decided not to look at her directly.

Sasuke hummed, glancing at her. "No, she glares at me a lot."

Glares? Well. It’s a change from the fangirls, but he’s not sure he likes it.

"Do you know why?"

"Shikamaru says it’s because of you." He frowned, as if offended on his brother’s behalf.

Itachi blinked slowly, noticing she was walking in their direction. He also noticed how his brother twisted around to hide behind his legs.

"That’s pretty fucking cowardly even for you, bitch ass," she drawled.

Itachi stared, feeling as if the world had tipped sideways.   
The Hyuuga heiress, cussing his brother out.   
What.

"Go away," Sasuke groaned.

"Not even a goodbye kiss?" 

He sputtered indignantly. "Like I’d kiss you!"

Something flashed across her face, something Itachi couldn’t name. Hinata then looked up at him with a demure smile. "Hello. Did you know your brother has a crush on-"

"No!"

Sasuke attempted to tackle her and she sidestepped, eyes never leaving her victim’s.

"As I was saying before the tiny motherfucker tried to defend his non-existent honour," her smile was still in place, "Your brother has a crush on U-"

"I do NOT!" The younger Uchiha fumed. "You’re the one who has a crush on Itachi-nii!"

Hinata paused, turning to blink at him, then turning back to look at Itachi up and down. "Sasuke, I’m more likely to try and hang your brother from the Hokage mountain than I am to have his babies." A strangled sound came from somewhere – Sasuke, his brain supplied - and she giggled. "Can’t deny I do admire him somewhat. You understand, no?" 

"Hinata-chan, who are you traumatizing this time?"

"Hizashi-jii-san!" She chirped, turning to wave at her father’s twin as he appeared a few paces away. "I have no idea what you’re talking about."

The man chuckled. "Did she trouble you, Itachi-san?"

Hinata stared up at him, eyes innocent and lips pulled in an admittedly adorable pout. "... not at all, Hizashi-san." He was rewarded with a sunny smile.

The Uchiha took a few seconds to collect himself, before shoving that interaction into the deepest parts of his mind for later review. Oh, Shisui would love her.

.  
"You."

Shisui blinked at the girl before him, half eaten dango in one hand. "Me?"

"You’re going to teach me the shunsuin."

"I am?"

When Itachi had told him about the Hyuuga heiress, he’d laughed it off, but seeing her now, he knew why she’d put Itachi on edge. Her posture was perfect, expression sweet and entirely unassuming. From afar, one would think she was talking to a friend.

"Yes, fucktard who is too pretty for his own good, you are. Where the hell do you get off, having curly hair like that, huh? And goddamnit your eyes are fucking distracting," she moved her attention from her eyes to his neck, before making a slightly distressed noise, and looking at his headband instead.

Shisui stared.

What.

How she’d kept her tone level and her voice sweet was... impossible. Should be impossible, at least.

And were those... compliments? She looked rather flustered, staring resolutely at his forehead.

Caught off guard, he did the only thing he could; he faked. Leaning forward with a bright grin that almost made her take a step back, he poked her forehead the way he used to do to Itachi, who now did it to Sasuke.

Her dry look let her know that the gesture was not appreciated at all.

"Well, Chibi-hime, I guess I have some free time on Saturday. Training ground 6?"

Hinata frowned, assessing. Then she made the mistake of looking at his lips and twitched, taking two steps back. "Yes, Shisui-san," she responded, eyes back on his headband.

Shisui observed her reaction with interest, never having seen it before. Also, as far as he knew, she was not one for honorifics and seldom used them. Nobody pushed because without actual proof – such as a testimony from a jounin level shinobi at the very least - none of the Hyuuga would so much as bat an eye.

"Alrighty! See you at 0900!"

And because he was an evil little shit, he shunsuin’d forward, squatted down to ruffle her hair and shunsuin’d away again in under a second.

Hinata’s face was completely red at this point and she was glad most people were minding their business.

Uchiha Shisui was in now on her shit list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! You're all so amazing and I look forward to posting more if my works here ❤
> 
> (Is shunsuin'd a word? I have no idea. Please just roll with it.)


	3. Just Hime being Hime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, darlings!  
> I'm posting another fic today, it's called Wisteria. Take a looksie

“You. Are. A. Mother. Fucking. Menace!”

Each word is followed by an attempt to grab a much- too-smug Shisui, who’s staying right within her range and leaving after images as he moves.

“Oh, but you love me, Hinata-chan!”

The seven year old flushes to the tips of her ears, growling as she attacks with more vigour. “Shut. Up!”

“Make me,” he stays still long enough to whisper in her ear, emboldened by the way she shivers.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” She screams, lunging.

Itachi, seated in a tree a small distance away, sighs. Who knew his cousin could be this merciless-

Oh, wait, he did.

###### footnote title

Shitori Hyuuga looks up from the garden he’s tending to, noticing a flock of birds hurriedly escaping an area West of the compound.

If it wasn’t the hime causing havoc, he’d eat his sandal.

Then, a full body shiver racks his frame and he curses under his breath. He races towards his home, gardening forgotten.

Someone was making the hime mad. Probably her damned Uchiha. The curly one.

(And he was practically hers – Itachi too, but it was the curly one she spent more time with – what with the way she strong-armed him into training her, made him check in with her before and after missions – she was a sweet soul, under all that evil – and had gone as far as making her father get her a katana of the finest material for his birthday.

Hiashi was not amused.

Hizashi practically encouraged their ‘blooming romance’. A true sap, that one.)

(Shisui had gotten her brass knuckles for her birthday since, Hyuuga or not, she dearly loved punching people in the face. Or stomach. Or groin. Anywhere she could reach honestly.)

But anyway, the hime was mad. Which meant extreme pranks and he hadn’t recovered from the last one quite yet – his hair was dark purple instead of black but he secretly liked it, and his wife had loved it – so he had every intention of whisking his beautiful, wonderful Hikari off on some magical and romantic adventure to an inn and onsen far away from the compound for the next few days.

The hime seemed to like his wife, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

###### footnote title

Sparring was one of Hinata’s absolute favourite things – as long as it wasn’t with Shisui because he’s an asshole – and she therefore excelled at it. She was tied up with Sasuke for best in the class, all the teachers were impressed – not that their opinions mattered or anything – and nobody even thought about bullying her.

Not after she’d wiped the floor with one of them during one of the spars, that is. 

(She’d almost gotten detention for it too, but apparently the boy’s parents knew he was an absolute menace and didn’t bother seeking retribution.

Or maybe it was the fact that both her father and uncle have terrifying blank stares.  
Gotta love clan privilege.)

She had lunch with Shikamaru and Choji sometimes, spending most of the time cooing over the latter because he was abso-fucking-lutely adorable, much to the boy’s chagrin. 

Shikamaru found it all very amusing.

Ino didn’t like her, which was fine because she didn’t really like Ino. 

(“You’re always around Sasuke-kun. Don’t you know Hyuuga and Uchiha can’t get married?”

Hinata had merely blinked, thoroughly unimpressed. “Unlike you, Yamanaka brat, I have taste. Itachi and Shisui are much more good looking.”)

(Shisui had overheard and teased her mercilessly.)

(He woke up one day with ‘youthful’ green hair.)

(“Me? Sneak into the Uchiha compound and dye your hair while you slept? Of course not, ‘sui-kun! What do you take me for?”

She hadn’t snuck in anyway.

She just cashed in on a favour with Itachi.

Who knew he could be such a talented prankster?)

Another one of her favourite things was swimming. Every Saturday without fail, you’d find her in the Naka river. Unnatural for a Hyuuga, but at this point nobody even bothers with that little detail.

It’s more trouble than it’s worth.

There’s also music. Nobody expected her to pick up music, but in hindsight, it made sense. It adds to the ‘harmless, elegant heiress’ persona she’s got going on anyway.

Her instrument was the harp – and boy, was it a disaster and a half getting it from Otafuku Gai – and she played it early in the morning.

(“Maybe if they wake up to nice music everyday, the sticks up their asses will go from uncomfortable to hitting their G spots,” she’d shrugged when Shisui asked.

Itachi choked on his bubble tea, while his cousin howled with laughter.

“I don’t – I don’t think guys have G spots, Hinata,” the curly haired one got out.

She hummed thoughtfully. “Oh yeahh, I think it’s called an H spot for you.”

The Uchiha clan heir bemoaned his existence.)

###### footnote title

“Hello.”

Uzumaki Naruto flinches, peeking from his bangs at the girl in front of him. 

_White eyes... a Hyuuga. That kimono... oh! She’s in my class! She mostly hangs out with Shikamaru and Choji though..._

“Um... hi?

She smiles at him. “You’re really pretty, you know that?”

He stares, uncomprehending. Looks around and sees that, no, there’s nobody else there. Just him on the swing and her in front of him. Then- 

“Hey! You can’t call a boy pretty, dattebayo!”

“I can’t?” Her eyes widen comically. “But you really are pretty, even prettier than the Yamanaka girl. I just call it like I see it.”

Some part of his mind realizes that he’s blushing really, really hard. He swallows. “You... really think so?”

“Of course I do. I bet if you grew your hair out you’d be beautiful!”

“But... boys don’t...”

“It’s your hair, Sunshine, you can do whatever you want with it. Although... enemy ninja will try to grab your hair so you’ll have to be really strong!... or put poison in your hair... come to think of it...” she trails off, muttering under her breath.

“Well I’m gonna be super strong, dattebayo! I’m gonna be the Hokage!” He puffs up, then flinches at the assessing look she gives him.

“When you become Hokage, please find some other way to remember the leaders. The Hokage mountain is repulsive.”

“You...” think I can do it, he doesn’t ask.

She gives him a look, like she read his mind, and her lips pull into a grin. “Ja ne, Sunshine. I have sparring practice now. Remember what I said about your hair!”

And then she leaves, and he’s alone again.

But not really alone, because she’s planted a seed of hope in his heart. And when he gets home that day, he looks through all his comic books to find super heroes with long hair. He sees a lot of them, and his mind is made up.

“I’ll have the longest hair and be the strongest shinobi ever!”

(He doesn’t know it, but the ANBU outside his window stifle their laughter. They don’t think he’s serious.

They’ll learn.)

###### footnote title

“What.”

“You’re going to be a big sister, Hinata-chan,” her mother says with a serene smile. 

She can see through it though. She knows the woman doesn’t like her. Maybe she can tell she isn’t really her daughter. It used to sting, the looks her ‘mother’ would give when she thought she wasn’t looking, but now she’s come to accept it.

“I... see. Have you thought of names? How far along are you? Have you told father?” It isn’t difficult to act enthusiastic. As Akasuki, she’d always wanted a younger sibling, and the brats she'd taken in had been her kids.

The matriarch, Tsukiko Hyuuga, laughs. It’s genuine this time, and some part of Hinata is pleased.

“If it’s a boy, perhaps Hideki. If it’s a girl... well, we’ll let your father decide. And no, I haven’t told him. Your father is very stressed now, looking into Daichi and Kenichi’s disappearance.”

‘Disappearance’. Heh, yeah, sure.

If it isn’t Danzo at work, she’ll become a nun.

“Ah... alright. I’ll be the best big sister ever!”

“I know you will, darling. Now, what was that I heard about a marriage proposal?”

“A what-“ she choked on her spit, hacking and coughing.

“Hizashi seems convinced the brass knuckles Shisui got you were engagement presents. You know those things are expensive.”

Goddamnit, Shisui.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's isolation treating you all?  
> I'm already touch starved, at this point, I'm half-dead
> 
> Also, I'm completely clueless with this HTML thing. Bare with me, I'm trying


	4. What Could Go Wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Less laughs, more feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for... feels? And a panic attack, I think

Hinata stops mid-swing, forcing Shisui to shunsuin several paces away, watching her warily.

“Hina-chan...?”

Her head snaps up, eyes wide like she’s just had a revelation. He takes a few more steps back, just to be safe.

Next thing he knows, she’s tackled him to the ground and is sitting on his chest, staring into his soul.

(He could have avoided it, of course, but at the speed she was going, she’d have crashed into a tree and gotten a concussion. He never wants to see her on a hospital bed, not if he can help it.)

“You don’t have fans,” she says suddenly.

He blinks.

“Itachi has fangirls and boys that try to follow him everywhere,” she starts to elaborate. “Even Sauke-baka does. But not you. Why?”

Shusui has no idea why this is a big deal so he just shrugs awkwardly.

Eyes narrowing, the eight year old grabs his face in her hands. “Sharingan on,” she commands.  
He does as she says without a second thought.

“Uchiha Shisui, you are the single most beautiful human I have ever fucking met and the entire village should be falling at your feet and the fact that they aren’t is personally offensive.”

She’s dead serious, and she needs him to remember it with perfect clarity.

Is he alarmed? Yes. Is he touched? Also yes. Is he seconds away from crying in a way he hasn’t done since he got his Mangekyo if she keeps going? Well, yes.

He nods mutely.

"I'm going to create a fanclub. Yes."

She lets go of his face, pleased, and gets to her feet. 

“Is it a clan heir thing though?” she wonders. “Wait, Shika is the second most beautiful person I know, he should have fangirls, but he doesn’t. I wonder if he knows he’s beautiful. I should tell him. It’ll make him blush and that’s so freaking hard to do...”

Hinata eyes him, still sprawled on the ground, and nudges him with a foot. “Are you okay, Shi-chan?”

He blinks at her. “You’re my favourite person,” he says seriously. “Like, you and Itachi make my life perfect and I just-“ he cuts off.

She stares, used to the butterflies that appear in her stomach whenever he so much as opens his mouth. “Okay...?”

“Think I could be your jounin sensei?”

“Well... I doubt it. Hyūga and Uchiha rivalry nonsense, you know. Also, there’s never been an Uchiha jounin sensei. Would your clan even allow it? And then there’s the fact that the entire village knows you train me, you’d be accused of favoritism right off the bat.”

(She knows he’s already aware of these facts. Sometimes, he just needs to hear another person say it.)

Shisui groans, long and low and she thanks every god there is that puberty hasn’t come to destroy her yet.

“Damnit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she rolls her eyes. “Are we still sparring or should we get to swimming?”

(The first time she’d seen Shisui stripped to his shorts to swim, she’d excused herself, gone into the woods and cried. 

Why is she a child when this very fine specimen called her best friend could be rearranging her guts and-

Nope.

She steeled herself and went back.

And hit him with a recently perfected water whip when he started to ask questions.)

Sparring it was. 

~

“My father wants to meet you.”

She stills mid-chew, throwing Itachi a filthy glare, before swallowing. “I hate you so much.”  
He smiles placidly.

“You know I’ll be too keyed up to eat anymore and your muffins are fucking amazing!” she whines, because clearly, he doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.

“So when would be most convenient for you?”

“Why doesn’t he just continue watching our spars like the creeper he is?” she snarks.

She almost feels bad when he flinches, eyes shuttering for a split second, but chooses not to dwell on it. He knows she doesn’t mean anything by it.

He also knows she despises his father. She’s been very vocal about it too.

“I’ve been spending more time with you and Shisui, so much so that not just Sasuke has noticed,” he says quietly.

“And they’re talking. Your elders, I assume. Two heirs, one eight and one fourteen. Oh so scandalous.” 

There’s a thick layer of sarcasm coating the last few words, and Itachi can’t help but laugh.  
“But it’s clear as day that you only have eyes for Shisui.”

Her glare is colder this time, nevermind the light flush of her cheeks. She’s getting better at controlling her tells.

“Can you people not? I’m literally 8!”

He blinks at her, daintily lifting one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

(Itachi would definitely be a supermodel in her world. All Uchiha would, honestly. Fucking hot, the lot of them.

Too bad they’re assholes.)

“What if he’s dead by the time I ‘come of age’?” 

She shrugs but he knows her well. It’s a genuine concern.

Sometimes he wonders if she knows-

No, she can’t.

“Hinata...”

She looks him in the eye and smiles, slow and cold. “I know these things, ‘tachi.”

What.

Her attention shifts to the sunset - the monument truly is the best place to see it – and the mix of oranges, reds and yellows seems to wash over her.

“I won’t let him die though. I don’t care what it costs or who I have to go through.”

She eyes him at the last bit and, not for the first time, he wonders about her.  
“Neither will I.”

The heiress scoffs but doesn’t say anything.

“Now when would you like to meet my father?”

She throws a sandal at his head.

~

Thinking about the massacre made her sick. Actually, thinking about the future of this twice damned place as a whole made her want to throw up her intestines. So she didn’t think about it.

Just tried to seek solutions.

Against her better judgement, she’d gone and fallen in love – she knows exactly what it is and isn’t that a mess and a half, a 40 year old gunning for a 14 year old? Some type of cougar nonsense? – with the one person who’s death sentence was signed and secured. 

Oh, it doesn’t end there. Ohhh no. There’s also that thing for Itachi – how scandalous! – and the other thing for Shikamaru – Nara are hot. The day she’d met his father and seen a glimpse of what he’d look like in the future had been eye-opening, for sure. Fucking latino-looking gods and goddesses, all of them – and she’s one hundred percent sure she’s going to flip her shot if she ever meets Haku – she has a thing for beautiful men, okay? – and it’s just.

A mess.

Akasuki is a poly person at heart – “Monogamy is weird, miss me with that bullshit.” – and she’s not planning to change. However, what are the odds of the Hyuuga heiress getting married to the Uchiha and Nara heirs? In a place like this, with so much that could go wrong – dojutsu, first of all - ?

Ha. Haha. No.

Low-key wants to desert and start a harem but –

Hanabi. Is. So. Fucking. Cute.

And she kind of wants to be clan head. She’s run a yakuza before so how hard could it be?

Don’t answer that.

Anyway, she’s decided the best course of action is to tell her father and uncle... everything. Past life, future knowledge, everything.

What could go wrong?

“...I just jinxed it, didn’t I?”

~

Hiashi is torn between being paralyzed with fear and being angry as a raging bull. His twin merely looks thoughtful. That does not bode well for anybody.

“So, Danzo is kidnapping children,” Hizashi says slowly.

Hinata – Akasuki – ever the picture of immaculate grace, simply nods. Her usual I’m-a-dainty-harmless-little-girl-please-underestimate-me smile is in place.

“And you’re a... yakuza.”

She grins, and it’s feral. “Oh yes. Speaking of which, may I get a tattoo after I make chunin, father?”

He wonders why the actual fuck she’s asking him. She’s forty.

Hizashi gives him a look when he takes a minute too long to answer.

“Of course,” he says with a calm he definitely doesn’t feel.

“I’m still...” she pauses, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re still my father, and an authority figure. I... I know this is unpleasant – I think mother has her suspicions – but I...” She smiled, though it was somewhat wobbly. 

“I love you, father, uncle. And it’s okay if you don’t- I just can’t sit by and let everything go to shit. I won’t. I just need your help.”

Hizashi gives him another look, this one flat and judgemental.

Well.

Okay.

Is this what a panic attack feels like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh how I've missed you, darlings.   
> First off, I'm hopeless with this html thing and I QUIT. I was supposed to update Wisteria days ago but... no. Just, no. I'm in way over my head. Help?  
> Also, plot? What's that?  
> Short, yes, I'm aware.  
> I don't tamper with ages much, but I've made Shisui just a year older than Itachi because, well, convenience.


	5. Just a Touch of your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal people: get writer's block and take time to write  
> Me: writes a short chapter, then rewrites old fic and posts to appease the readers  
> Two Faces, a Naruto X Bleach crossover was originally written in... 2018, I think, on wattpad. Knock yourselves out on it.

Fugaku is not having a good day.  
First, the elders are being ridiculous and pushing for the coup ‘right the fuck now, excuse my manners’.  
Mikoto is still mad about his decision to let Itachi join ANBU – even though it was ages ago, woman! – even though no one but him and perhaps said son could notice the ice beneath her warm expressions.  
(He’s a little worried she’ll choke him to death one of these days, honestly. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s tried to.)  
And now, said wife – beautiful, gorgeous, the personification of grace – has come to tell him he has visitors. He’s aware, of course. It’s not difficult to pick out foreign chakra in the midst of Uchiha, even though he’s not a sensor.  
No, he’s more concerned with the fact that he hasn’t had visitors in... Great Sage, he can’t even remember how long.  
So he gets dressed in slightly more formal robes and takes his seat in his study. Mikoto will direct whoever it is there and then come in with some tea. Simple.  
Except, then the visitors reach his door and he can suddenly feel their chakra and he is this close to running for his life.  
Oh no.  
“Hyuuga-san,” he says in a flat tone that clearly says he does not appreciate all the not-so-secret giggling his wife is doing, carefully training his gaze on Hizashi’s shoulder. Not the eyes, never the eyes.  
“Oh, come now, Fugaku. You didn’t use honorifics last time we met,” the Hyuuga clan head says in a bland but somehow teasing tone.  
Well yes, because the two of you were fucking my brains out and-  
Fugaku really, really doesn’t want to be here.  
The twins take their seat opposite from him, looking much too smug, and Mikoto pours them all some tea, before leaving.  
Probably to go find their wives and laugh about his misfortune. Damn it, he said he was sorry!  
“So, I’m assuming you know my daughter?” Hiashi starts.  
He blinks. Surely they don’t come all the way here – and Hiashi definitely could’ve come alone, they clearly just want to see him squirm and he will not give them the satisfaction, the overly pretty bastards – to talk about the heiress.  
“...I hope you’re not talking about a betrothal or anything of the sort,” he says evenly, taking a sip of his tea.  
The elders would have his head on an Akimichi grill.  
“Nothing of the sort. She’s quite taken with your son already,” Hiashi is definitely not hiding a smirk at his slow, suspicious blink.  
“And the curly haired one as well. Shisui, I think? She’s created a fan club too. Truly dedicated,” Hizashi chimes in, speaking for the first time.  
Fugaku gives a full body twitch at the sound – one they both graciously ignore – before processing the words.  
“That is not why you’re here,” the Uchiha clan head says stiffly, holding on to the last threads of his sanity.  
Hizashi hums. “You’re not wrong...”  
Then he’s behind Fugaku in a shunsuin that’s just slow enough for him to see but fast enough that he couldn’t run even if he wanted to. He doesn’t. And they know it. He does tense up though, as the younger twin’s hands appear on his shoulders in a deceptively innocent motion.  
“But I find difficult discussions are best held after sex, wouldn’t you agree?”  
Hiashi smirks in response and Fugaku’s control shatters.  
His day was about to get a whole lot better.

.

“Ne, Shika?”  
Shikamaru ever-so-slowly lifts an eyelid to stare at his cloud watching partner. And then recoils instantly at the look on her face. That particular smile has led to the downfall of many bullies, aggressive fangirls and even academy teachers.  
“...yes?” he asks cautiously, mentally calculating how far he’ll get if he tries to run. Not very far, sadly. Inasmuch as she’s forced him into training with her often, she’s had a hell of a head start, not even counting her previous life.  
“You’re so beautiful,” Hinata says, looking all the while like a shy little girl, complete with averted eyes, hunched shoulders and a slight flush on her cheeks. If he didn’t know any better, he’d-  
Wait.  
His brain stalls, a raging blush racing from the tips of his ears to his toes.  
“...what...” he croaks out.  
She leans forward, shy mask cast aside and something devious in its place, and taps his nose. “Cute button nose, very kissable, yes,” she says, almost to herself, then moves her finger to the bow of his lips, not quite touching. “I can’t wait to hear all about your first kiss.” Her finger moves to his hair, and she frowns. “Oh my Sage, it’s so soft! How is spiky hair soft?! This universe is so unfair!”  
And then she starts massaging his scalp, tossing his hair tie away. “You don’t mind, do you? It’s really calming for me.”  
He manages to nod, eyes fluttering closed as he struggles to return to normal. Then-  
“And you look so pretty like this too.”  
Dang it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part is inspired by the Fugaku in this fic,  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17227067  
> I'm sorry loves, I've been stressed and tired recently and my braids still hurt like a bitch.  
> I'll be back soon.  
> Aki_Firefly, I adore you ♡


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very strange chapter ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!  
> Might not update this until July because I need to put out Amejusuto and Wisteria and possibly Two Faces and Back at it Again With The Nonsense but hey, here you go!

“Holy shit...”

Itachi and Shisui separate instantly, both blushing as red as their Sharingan.

Hinata stares, open-mouthed and flushed. “Do it again, that was so freaking hot, oh my Sage.”

The younger teenager screws his eyes shut as if that will make Shisui’s probing, hungry gaze disappear.

“Ah... Hina-chan... Itachi is kind of shy,” Shisui says, trying for cheeky, but his voice is much too hoarse for that.

Hinata cackles.

A year after the massacre had somehow been circumvented, Itachi had deigned to move out, in order to escape the elders’ endless bitching. Fugaku had had to purge them out, and create a sort of board of advisors, all between thirty and sixty years old, instead.

So, here she was, armed with a few paintings and storage baskets as housewarming gifts for the clan heir, only to walk in on her boys making out in the kitchen.

(One of her favourite family members, Shitori Hyuuga, happened to be an expert seal master and had created a seal that let one walk through walls. Well, walls that weren’t warded anyway. So, with the seal painted on her chest, just below her collarbones, she could walk through supermarkets and general libraries, but not the academy or the Hokage tower or a shinobi apartment. Not anywhere important enough.

Thankfully, Itachi had only just moved in.

Although, that did beg the question why neither of them had sensed her coming.

Then again, they had been... occupied.)

Shisui has Itachi pressed up against the kitchen counter and when he tries to move, latches on to his neck, sucking and kissing away. 

Itachi lets out a low whine, throwing his head back. “Shi – Shisui – ah! – Hinata’s right – t-there!”

Said girl has dropped her packages and taken a seat on one of the sofas, eagerly watching the show. There’s something about watching stoic as hell Itachi come undone that keeps her riveted in place.

“So what? It’s not like we’re –“ he groans as Itachi bucks against his hand. “- like we’re getting to third base – fuck!”

Itachi’s hands are down the other male’s pants, firmly cupping his ass. Shisui lets out a ragged breath.

Hinata decides to be nice – and not torture herself any longer, because there’s no other word to describe what she’s feeling, watching these two, as hot as they are – and makes for the door. “Be back later,” she calls as she walks straight through the piece of wood, startling their next door neighbour.

And if her voice is oddly flat, well. 

.

“Hinata-chan!” Naruto calls, waving frantically as she walks past training ground 3. His current sparring partners, Kiba – because he lost a bet – and Sasuke – because he’s whipped and is physically incapable of saying no to the Uzumaki – pale rapidly.

The girl pauses, blinking at the three of them, before smiling at Naruto. “Sunflower, hello.” She walks toward them. “Mind if I spar with you?”

“Of course not!” Naruto says with his stupid megawatt grin, at about the same time Kiba – who’s been destroyed in every spar with the Hyuuga heiress – starts trying to sneak away by walking backwards.

Of course, that’s when he trips over Sasuke’s prone, exhausted figure and lands on the boy’s stomach. Sasuke whines pitifully.

“Oh, no need to worry, Inuzuka-kun, Motherfucker, I just want to spar with Sunflower. Too much pent up energy, you know,” she says with a carefully demure smile. 

It says something that Sasuke doesn’t even protest the nickname, just sighs gratefully and closes his eyes as if to go to sleep. Kiba shrugs awkwardly, adjusts himself so their postion is more comfortable, and follows suit.

Naruto laughs, all sweet and boisterous and affectionate and for a second it makes her sick. But she knows that’s exactly how she looks when she’s talking about her boys so instead of the instinctive glare, she smiles at him too. “Your hair is really pretty.”

And it is. It’s grown rather fast, reaching his lower back, and he has two thick strands framing his face, decorated with three chakra-storing neon orange beads each.

(She’d given it to him for his last birthday, and before then he’d gifted her a giant purple bow, reminiscent of Minnie Mouse bows.

Except. It kind of reminded her of Shippuden Sasuke.

She wore it around her waist every day.)

“Thanks, Hinata-chan! It’s suuuper soft too, Sasuke-Teme said so!” he says with another grin, sliding into a fighting stance.

(Sparring with her and Sasuke has been good for him. He’s still dead last, but more because he doesn’t care anymore than because he’s an idiot. As long as he passes, he’s fine.

Huh. To the best of her knowledge, he and Shikamaru aren’t close, but that sounds like a Nara thought process.)

Sasuke chokes and Kiba cackles.

And then, without any warning, the match starts.

Hinata is more skilled, moves polished and speed unrivalled, but Naruto is more brute strength and will. Not. Fucking. Stay. Down.

She’s low-key terrified to fight him when he learns the Kage Bunshin. But also, kind of looking forward to it, in a typical shinobi fashion.

.

Shikamaru eyes her like she’s going to explode when she appears in the forest later that day. 

(After that first time when they were 6, she’s basically been given blanket permission to come over. The deer liking her a lot is a plus.)

“Don’t you have any other friends?” he asks, not unkindly. It’s just that, this is the fourth time she’s come over this week and it’s not like her at all. Her limit is usually two.

Her lips twitch in an almost smile, eyes unfocused. 

“I’m upset,” she announces, then furrows her brows and wrinkles her nose, as if disgusted by the very idea. “And I do have other friends. They’re occupied.”

(Naruto had joined the nap pile after their spar, and she hadn’t had the heart to tell him she wanted to go again. Black eye and bruised shins be damned.)

“And how did you know I wasn’t?” he presses. Let’s not touch that upset part for now. Emotions are troublesome.

She blinks at him. “I can sense you? You felt calm, like... an undisturbed field of flowers.”

She’s a sensor, he realizes. How far away was she to have sensed him? How wide is her range?

And-

“Flowers, really?”

She’s still looking at him like he’s daft. “I meant it when I said you were beautiful, Shika. And – unrelated, but - you remind me of Aloe Vera. Calming, yeah?”

He blinks back at her, willing his blush to go away. “...yeah.”

They’re quiet, watching the sunset for a while, until she tenses up.

By the time he turns to ask what’s wrong, she’s gone.

He sighs. “Dad, I thought you stopped doing this.”

His father stops supressing his chakra and steps out of the trees. “I’ll keep doing it until she stops running.”

(Asides their first meeting, where he found them both napping in the shade and gave her permission to come and go as she pleased, every other time she’s met his father, she’s turned tail and ran.

Shikaku is curious.

Shikamaru is tired.)

.

She finds herself in the main garden of the Hyuuga compound, trying to meditate.

It’s not- she doesn’t get it. 

Why is she feeling homesick now? Why all the confused feelings now? Why? Why? Why-

“Imouto?”

Her eyes fly open, wild and teary.

Neji’s squatted down in front of her, curious. When she blinks up, he cautiously opens his arms.

She launches herself into the hug with a sob.

Oh. Touch-starved. I... forgot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All in favour of a oneshot for Shisui and Itachi's misadventures, say aye.
> 
> Yo girl is touched starved. This, here, is her projecting.
> 
> Also, I don't believe Shisui is closely related to Itachi. So there's no twincest or cousincest or whatever else. Please.
> 
> Would you believe this is my first slightly nsfw thing? Ha. Me neither.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK AND I'M SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING. IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL, I SWEAR  
> Ehem. Anyway. Your author is projecting again. Sorry

The rest of the week sees Neji, Hinata and the now two year old Hanabi spending a lot more time together. She’s not ashamed to ask for hugs from either of them, and they seem to know exactly when she needs them.

(It’s strange, that she forgot something so important. Akasuki would never have let anyone around her without getting endless cuddles from it.

Sometimes, these led to sex. The kind she liked on most days, slow and gentle and filled with enough feeling to bring her to tears.

She tries not to think about it, but she really misses her partners.)

It’s on one such day that she meets Tsunade.

Not the sannin, of course. She’s a girl in Neji’s year, named after the Senju princess as many little girls in this part of the world were, in hopes that it would bring good fortune of some sort.

(There are shrines dedicated to the Senju, one of the founding clans whose numbers had dwindled down to one woman who now loathed the place she’d once called home.

She’s been to one, on one of the rare days she’s alone. She knows it’s not the right place, but she grieves for the family she left behind anyway.)

Tsunade has very dark skin, darker than the Konoha tan – and don’t let the anime fool you, it’s impossible to spend so much time under the sun and be as pale as they were depicted – and is taller than both her and her cousin. Her growth spurt must have hit way too early. There’s still baby fat clinging to her though, ninja training be damned.

She has orange-red hair in a pixie cut, and it’s the most exotic colour she’s seen first hand, barring Sakura.

Hinata usually attends classes three times a week. Four, if she absolutely has nothing else to do.

The instructors could complain, but she’s the Hyuga heiress, a known prodigy, has been and continues to be trained by two prodigies and her grades are top notch. 

(The only reason she hasn’t graduated is because they’re in peace time.)

Yeah, they’d have better luck catching Sasuke, who is almost never there yet always at the top of the class.

(The fact that he’s joined Naruto, Shika, Chouji and Kiba’s ‘Skipping squad’ is hilarious.  
She can only imagine what Fugaku’s reaction might have been.)

So, she expects to be the only kid out today, with her cousin at the academy. Being a nice big sister – who is utterly smitten because Hanabi is a force of nature – she decides to bring junior heiress to a playground.

Where she meets Tsunade glaring at the sandbox like she wants to set it ablaze.

“I don’t think that’s how you play with it,” she offers carefully after watching a full three minutes of frustrated glaring. Hanabi simply grunts, chewing on her rabbit plushie’s cotton tail.

She startles, swivelling around to blink at the intruder before balking and tripping into a low bow. “Hyuga-sama, I didn’t mean to- I was- I apologize for-“

“Stop,” Hinata breathes, appalled.

Right. Heiress of a noble clan. Of course she’s terrified.

“I’m Hinata, what’s your name?”

Not that everyone in Konoha – and possibly Kumo – doesn’t know her name by now, but it’s common courtesy.

The girl straightens, not meeting her eyes. “Tsunade.”

Hinata hums. Orphan, most likely. “May we join you? Hanabi likes the sand.”

And she really does. Is it too soon – and too weird - to ship her sister with Gaara? 

Speaking of Gaara, hmm...

Tsunade seems to do a double take. “Oh, no, Hyuuga-sama, I was just leav-“

“No. You weren’t. You looked like you were trying to command the sand.”

She flinches, looking down at her toes. “I thought... well, it’s impossible.”

The heiress moves closer - and Hanabi wriggles to be put down so she can go eat sand – and sits cross legged on the grass, patting the spot next to her in invitation. Tsunade eyes her oddly, but complies, adding a little more distance.

“I don’t think anything’s impossible. There’s ninja who can breathe fire and walk on water, who can tame demons and make you think you’re a cat,” the girl cracks a smile at that. “Maybe try a different approach. Instead of trying to glare it into submission, touch the sand, play with it. Build sandcastles with us, if you’d like.”

She won’t ask why the girl is interested in controlling sand, or what she’s mixed with to have such a gorgeous skin colour, or why she’s not at the academy on a Thursday. Friendships don’t start with interrogations, after all.

And the hours they spend building nonsensical things in the sandbox – her water nature probably isn’t meant to be used this way, but whatever – definitely signify a friendship forming.

.

It’s not that she’s avoiding the boys. She just so happens to always be where they aren’t, purely coincidental-

Yes, she’s avoiding them. Viciously. Which is part of the reason she hasn’t been to the academy for the past four days. After she hadn’t come back, they must’ve known something was off and started looking, and that would be the easiest place to find her. She may be fast, but Shisui was not just handed the ‘Shisui of the shunsuin’ moniker. She couldn’t outrun them even if she tried.

And she knows it’s petty. Like those cringe romance books where the writer has no other way to add ‘suspense’ and chooses to have the – usually female – main character act like a whiny brat. But she really doesn’t care.

“It isn’t even their faults,” she murmurs into Neji’s shoulder that night, both freshly showered and sprawled on his futon. “They must think I’m traumatized or something.”

“...you already know what I’m going to say,” Neji murmurs back, threading one hand through her hair.

“Yeah, yeah, just talk to them. I was going to tell them that day. Everything. But then they were- and I just-“ she’s crying again. Has been doing it a lot recently, and she doesn’t know why.

His other arm tightens around her. “It’s okay, imouto. I’m not blaming you. But the longer you wait, the worse it’ll get.”

“I kno- shit.”

Hinata bolts upright, leaving her cousin blinking sleepily up at her. “’mouto?”

“I can’t feel their chakra. It’s gone. That means they left on a mission without checking in and are possibly together and it’s probably ANBU. What if it’s Danzo? What if they’re in trouble? What if the last things I say to them are ‘I’ll be back later’?”

“Hyoga Akasuki,” Neji orders. Hinata straightens on instinct. “Lie the hell down. They can take care of themselves.”

“But-“

“No. Whatever is going on, they’ll be fine. You can’t sense them, so you can’t find or help them. What you can do is sleep, so you’re rested enough to go to the academy tomorrow and make your Nara stop glaring at me every chance he gets.”

She wants to protest, but he isn’t wrong. 

‘Please don’t let anything happen to them,’ she prays in her mind, not even sure who she’s praying to. ‘I haven’t had a love like this in years and I don’t want to lose it.’

She has nightmares, but they’re of knife wielding dolls and not dead boys, so she hopes that’s a sign.

.

Aburame Shino is interesting to watch.

She knows that he knows she’s watching, he tilts his head just so every so often, and in the next moment there’s a horned beetle on her desk.

Sasuke and Naruto, her seat mates for today, are mildly unnerved.

(Shika, Chouji and Kiba skipped, but she’d dragged these two by their ears.

Of course she’d managed to drag the Nara and Akimichi into hugs first. She makes a mental note to do it more often since it makes the former flush, and the latter is just all round perfect for hugs.

When Kiba’s laughter starts to become too obnoxious, she jumps him too. The laugh that bubbles out of her throat is the most genuine one this entire week.)

“Is that... does he have a crush on you or something?” Sunflower ventures, warily, not even pretending to pay attention to Mizuki.

Hinata snorts. “He must want to know why I’ve been staring all day.”

“Well, why have you been staring?” Sasuke huffs, eyeing the insect in her palm like it’s going to devour him. “You like him now?”

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business,” she returns, coolly.

Sasuke merely blinks at her. “Aniki and Shisui coming to pick us up today; me and Usuratonkachi. They seemed pretty worried about you.”

“They’re what?” Hinata breathes, an invisible weight lifted off her shoulders.

“Something about baiting you?” Naruto scratches his chin, trying to remember the exact words. He skilfully dodges the piece of chalk sensei throws at him.

She scowls. Of course. If they couldn’t find her normally, the easiest thing to do is reign in their chakra so she can’t sense it or find them. Make her let her guard down.

Hinata turns her attention to the beetle. “You wouldn’t happen to know any bees, would you?”

Shino swivels around to look at her, incredulous.

Her lips curl in a smile that has Naruto and Sasuke inching away from her.

.

Shino doesn’t let her borrow any bees, which is disappointing, but nothing she can’t deal with.

Seeing Shisui again shouldn’t make her stomach flutter. Seeing Itachi shouldn’t make her pulse jump. But it does. Oh, it does.

Her glare is fierce enough that Shisui’s grin at Naruto falters. That Itachi’s lips flatten into a line.

Oh, she knows she’s being dramatic alright, but seeing them squirm is surprisingly fun. She was never even angry at them, just jealous at what they could do that she couldn’t. She’s missed them. A lot. Making them work a little isn’t so bad, right?

(She’s a brat and she knows it.)

“How about a little game of tag?” she offers by way of greeting. They share a look, wearing matching smirks.

(Sasuke declares them a lost cause and just drags Naruto to Ichiraku.)

She’s gone in the blink of an eye, and they’re right behind her.

They’re going to win, but it’s a simple game and she doesn’t mind.

At some point, she turns around and barrels straight into Itachi. They both crash into the forest floor, leaving a curious Shisui peering down at them.

“Hinata...?” 

She’s latched onto him, nose buried in his chest.

(They’ve known each other for three years and this is practically the first time they’re touching out of a spar. It’s hilarious, in a way.)

“You smell like Shi-chan,” she murmurs, taking in the smell of mint and lemon and smoke. She determinedly doesn’t think about whether they’ve been using the same soaps, or whatever they may or may not have been doing together in the shower.

Shisui squats down beside them. “We missed you,” he starts.

“Join the group cuddle then, and ‘tachi, you’re supposed to hug back.”

The boys share a look, amused and relieved. 

“Okay,” Itachi presses a kiss into her hair and she just... melts.

I missed you too, she doesn’t say. They hear it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so, so much for the kudos and comments. They mean so much to me, you don't even know.
> 
> Yo girl is writing a fic about Orochimaru and she's only just discovering that snakes smell with their tongues. See, this is why I like to remind you guys that I pull all this out of my ass. Zero planning. Ugh.
> 
> I missed yo all so muchhhh  
> Lmao it feels like I have penpals here - I dearly wish I did


	8. Sado.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a commenter's suggestion to have Sai or Haku be reincarnated as one of her boys (I'm sorry, I can't recall your name, but thank you! My brain was fried!)
> 
> Canon? Never heard of it.

Ricardo is not a happy camper.

Suki died. Fucking died because they were careless and-

They'd kept it together best they could, Leo and Uche were holding the fort impeccably. The rest of them just sort of... wandered. But never too far, in case some poor sod decided to cross The Red Line.

(Why, he can't begin to understand. How did one look at teenagers trained by Akasuki fucking Hyoga - oftentimes referred to as an unholy mix between the god of war and the god of mischief - and think, "Yeah, let's attack them, la-di-da!"?

Common sense and self preservation deficiency, most likely.)

In one such attacks, he'd gotten sloppy. It'd been two years since she died but it still fucking ached and everyone else seemed to have fucking moved on - he knows he's being unfair, and everyone handles grief differently, but still - and maybe, just maybe he'd wanted to die too.

He was her first kid. He'd seen her through heartbreaks and mini revolutions, watched her recover from an injury that'd damaged her womb.

("Good riddance," she'd chuckled, petting his hair as he lay next to her on the hospital bed, cramped as it was. "Never wanted to give birth anyway. Fucking terrifying. At least now I can have all the sex I want and not get pregnant, eh?"

He'd glowered, then, clearly not understanding how she could even joke about that.)

They'd all gotten attached - of course they had, she was mom. She was _home_ \- but him, the most.

So, yeah, he can't remember the details, but he can recall bleeding out with his siblings screaming at him - Anna's "You fucking asshole!" the loudest - and then just... darkness.

His memories after that are... hazy. They come in flashes, unrelated and confusing.

(The fact that he has memories after _dying_ is quite frankly, terrifying.)

He remembers dark hair, and eyes. Absent father. Low lullabies. Rain, so much rain. Stories revolving around God and his angel-

And then he remembers a dead woman, blank masks, the briefest glimpse of four heads carved into a mountain, and a man with one covered eye and a bandaged arm.

Fuck this shit.

.

His codename is A-21 and he's 4 years old when he finally feels fully alive and can comprehend what's going on around him.

(A, as in Amegakure, where he was taken and 21, as in he's the twenty first child to have been taken from there.

The most common names have A, or S, or W, or F. S being Sunagakure, W, Water and F being Fire - as they couldn't afford to mix up wind and water.)

This shit is batshit fucking insane but on the bright side?

Suki's here. He's heard Danzo complain about her, has seen her once during one of their rare excursions outside - because of course they needed sunlight and what better time to practice their stealth? - and he's sure it's her. That brand of chaos? It's distinctive.

There are two ROOT seals. The simple one, which all children are given the second they're brought in, is designed to render them unable to speak to anyone who doesn't have a ROOT seal or isn't Danzo. They'll be rendered unconscious, picked up later and severely punished for even trying.

The second seal is more complex. It trades unconsciousness for a powerful electric shock that kills in a split second, and is reserved for the shinobi.

This, of course, doesn't mean they can't write whatever the fuck they want and he suspects the only reason nobody else has tried it is less because they can't write - of course they're all literate, almost frighteningly so - but because they don't have anyone to write to. Every single child here is an orphan - and isn't that just awful?

He doesn't do anything stupid - something he's sure his siblings would be shocked by - instead choosing to give his all to his training because this universe is awful and he needs to survive here first before even thinking of joining Suki - Hinata, now. The thought nearly makes him cackle.

(Really the only places worse to be reincarnated are probably the Shigenki no Kyojin and Tokyo Ghoul universes. And Demon Slayer? Pfft, dead in seconds.)

He'll bide his time. Brutal training until he can barely stand is a good enough price to pay, and the thrill of keeping this secret journal/comic he's started hidden is almost like a high.

When it's finished, he'll find a way to get it to Su- Hinata. She'll understand. She'll have to.

.

Ricardo - Sai, now. Can you imagine? - gets his first glimpse of canon at 7 years old. In the form of the adorable 9 year old by the name of Shin.

(Some of the children had names already, of course. Some - like him - were given names in some twisted attempt to foster comraderie between themselves.

Something that's going to end in premium tears, as Uche would say.)

The boy he's supposed to k-

Nope. He turns around and bolts, leaving the boy staring blankly at the ration bar he'd offered, and looking back at his companion for guidance.

Aburame Torune - 10 and already antisocial by virtue of his heritage long before he was even brought here - merely blinks.

.

"Li-kaa-do?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose, praying to whatever god watching for patience.

Teaching Shin - yes, he'd accepted the offer of friendship against his better judgement - and Torune - he's so pretty, oh my fucking God - to say his actual name? Not going well.

He'd tried looking for variations of the name, but-

("Rick."

"Lick?"

_"No!"_ )

Yeah, that failed too.

He flops onto the very small bed they're all occupying for the twenty minutes of free time they have until Torune leaves for his next mission and him and Shin have to train with a groan.

He could roll with the name he's been given. Because that's canon and it makes sense. Kind of. But his name is all he has left. Not his dao, not his guns. Not even Suk- Hinata. He's keeping the name of it's the last thing he does.

"I fail to understand why Sad was not to your liking," Torune says in the usual bland monotone that agents have. Though his is more intense because, Aburame.

Ricardo opens his mouth-

Then closes it. Sad. Where have I-?

Oh! His eyes gleam as he practically shakes Shin in his joy. The pale blue haired boy weathers the action with impeccable grace.

In the anime, Bleach - a much better universe to be in to be honest - the main character's clearly of Latin descent friend was named Chad. However, because Ichigo is Japanese and also doesn't give a single shit, he calls him Sado.

"Eureka!" Ricardo cheers.

Shin and Torune exchange a look, clearly used to this behavior. 

"Sado. Try Sado," he urges them.

"Sado." "Sado?"

It comes out as a question when Shin says it but that's fine because yes! He finally has his name!

Now to enact the rest of his plan, which will have to wait until Torune returns. He cackles gleefully all the same.

.

Somewhere, Hinata sneezes. Tsunade sends her a questioning look, but she shrugs, leaping back into the three way spar with the girl and Naruto.

Whatever's coming can't be that bad, can it?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm low-key offended that the fic I'm pouring most of my heart and soul into is getting like zero recognition. So. Shameless plug here. Check out Wisteria 🌸  
> Leave a comment please.


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